Random Thoughts

My Office
I work in an office with about 8,000 people. I see lots of pregnant ladies everyday. I have been seeing one of these ladies pretty regularly. I think she works on my floor. I don't know her name. I don't know what she does. I do know I have been watching her and her belly grow for the past couple of months when I noticed she was pregnant. I guess how far along she is. I watch her in the elevator to see if her belly moves. I remember those days. I want to BE that again.

The Elevator
Have you ever noticed that a crowded elevator gets really warm when people talk? You would think people would notice this and not talk so as to keep the temperature down.

A Cruel Joke
As I sit as my desk in my nice cool office, I begin to sweat. I am not shiny or just a little warm. I am in a full blown dripping sweat which is making my hair wet. My hair starts to frizz and my bangs curl the wrong way now. I did nothing to bring this on other than sit at my computer. It is a hot flash......a cruel joke.

Internet Chat Rooms and Boards
I "lead" a couple of internet message boards. I use the term very loosely because I don't do much differently than any other person posting to these boards. I don't get paid. I enjoy doing it. These "strangers" are closer to me than some of my "real" friends. These strangers know more about me and my efforts to have another child than my family. These people ARE my family in some sense of the word. I don't know what I would do without them! If this is the case, then why do I think about leaving them or taking a step back? Is the constant pressure to please them by having another child too tough? This is ridiculous because they aren't putting pressure on me. They are a wonderful support line. I don't know how I would make it through some of these ups and down without them. I feel responsible for letting them down month after month when I end up not being pregnant. Another ridiculous thought. I can't help the way I feel, but I also know what I am feeling is totally off the mark.

My Boss
I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow to discuss the possibility of me having to go through IVF to have another child. Although he has been understanding in the past when it came to my mom being sick all the time and me needing time off, I am not looking forward to having this talk with him.