My mind won't stop racing

I got a coverline and ovulation date today. The charting program I use makes you wait 3 days before it gives you those magical red vertical and horizontal lines. Everyone refers to the time after ovulation as the 2 week wait. In theory, it is the time you have to wait before testing to see if you are pg. This is my 22nd 2WW and quite frankly, this is the easiest part of my cycle. I don't expect anything anymore. It is just the time I get to wait before AF shows. The nice thing about charting is that you do know when AF is about to arrive so you don't have any of those "accidents" you did as a young woman - no red sheets or underwear. I can be prepared and beat AF to the chase.

Work was tough today. I am dealing with an IRS audit of our 2003 taxes. I keep finding problems with our data and what we filed on the company return. I wasn't around to do that filing....I was on maternity leave. JT was due Feb. 21 (my birthday) and my last day of work was Feb. 13 - Friday the 13th.

All the crap I dealt with at work today disappeared when I picked JT up at school (daycare). He has a magical way of making everything better. He ran over to me when he saw me. He lifted his arms up to me and said, "up". I got a hug, a smile, and a kiss. The world is a better place now. I am at a good place now.

I ordered those expensive vitamins, antioxidants, vegetable, mineral pills today. The RE called me and told me to take both the expensive pill and a prenatal vitamin. Their only concern was me getting too much Vitamin A so they switched the prenatal. The one they are putting me on has essential Omega 3 Fatty Acids - good for brain and eye development in developing fetuses. OK. Whatever....I took a good ol' multivitamin when I was pg with JT. He seems ok.

Why could I so easily get pg with JT? Why is it so hard this time? Sure, I am 2 years older. But can that much change in 2 years?

Yes, a lot can change in 2 years. I gave birth, lost my mom, and can't have another child. That IS a lot in 2 years. As JT approaches his 2nd birthday, the one thing that keeps popping in my head is if I get pg this month, how old with JT be when I deliver. How stupid. But this is at the forefront of my brain.

I am just rambling. It sucks to be in limbo. My mind won't stop racing. I can't type the thoughts running in my head fast enough.