Do I have to?

My mother-in-law wants to do something this weekend.

March 9 marks the day my mom passed 1 year ago. March 9 marks the day a friend of mine gave birth to her son. Who knew 20 hours later, he would be taken, too. March 12 marks my mom's birthday and day of her funeral.

I remember it like yesterday. Today would be the last time I saw my mom somewhat coherent. She was on a ventilator in the ICU, but could answer yes and no questions with a nod of her head. She smiled the best she could when I came into her room. I told her I loved her and she mouthed the same to me when I left. I am grateful I was able to have her hear me say that. I am grateful she was able to tell me the same.

My mother-in-law thinks being with family may be nice on Sunday. Sure, she may be right, but how the hell am I supposed to know what will feel right on Sunday. I can't tell her no because her heart is in the right place. So I agreed. I could kick myself right about now.

I miss you so much, mom.