Time is at a standstill

I had a waking dream this morning. I rarely remember my dreams, but since this was actually woke me up this morning, I remember it vividly. I was talking on the phone to the IVF Coordinator at my RE's office. I called her because I was supposed to start my meds, but they hadn't been ordered yet. There was no way the meds were going to get to me in time so I had to have my cycle delayed and stay on BCP for ANOTHER month. Of course, I can't help but think this is some "sign" telling me there is a reason to wait. Of course, I am being impatient. We also talked about my drug protocol and she rattled off a bunch of different drugs she was ordering. None of them sounded familiar and none of them were what my RE told me. Another cluster-f*ck. Nothing was going right on the phone. Is this going to be what my next IVF cycle will be like? Nothing will go right? Again?

I am still in a funk about being on BCP and can't seem to shake it.

Once of my close friends from the message board just tested today and is pregnant. There was a lot of talk and speculation that she was and the posts were irritating me because I am out of the running for 2 months. We are like twins...we have a lot in common...but she is pg and I am not.

I chart on a web site called Fertility Friend. I accidentally clicked on the pregnancy page link and up popped a pregnancy ticker. It tells you how far along in your pregnancy you are. The ticker said 31W3D. Yep....I would be 31W along if my chemical pregnancy turned into a real one. I look back and can't believe how fast 8 months have passed.

I look forward and can't believe how slow time is moving now.

I also can't believe I will ever get pg again.