It isn't about ME!

It is amazing what an ok night of sleep with do for you. I never really sleep at that well anymore, but last night....once I FINALLY dropped off, I slept only to wake up at 4:45AM. That is good for me!

I talked on the phone last night with an IRL friend. We talked for almost an hour. She wants to have lasik done and I had it 5 years ago so I was telling her about it. All good, I might add. I would do it all over again, but I digress.

I then told her of our intention to adopt. This friend, T, knew about our IF treatments and attempts at IVF. She did keep her opinion about them to herself for the most part, but I knew she did not agree with T's and my decision. That's ok. I'd rather someone stay quiet about it and respect OUR decision. Anyway....The reason I told T about our intention is we will be needing several recommendation letter and we would like her to write one. She happily agreed. I began explaining all the reasons we had for choosing Vietnam and how we even got there.

I went through our decision process:
Domestic vs. International
The ruling out of various foreign countries for the various reasons
China vs. Vietnam
The call to the agency before we sent in our initial application questioning a possible weight issue
Being told by the agency the rule of thumb is 300 pounds
Sending in our application for China and why we were choosing China
The approval of our application with a phone call from the agency saying we MAY have a weight issue
Switching to Vietnam

In the end....T 100% agreed and thought we made a good choice based upon the information we have. Yes, adoption is risky. But isn't it wise to reduce as much risk as you can?

After this conversation I felt so good about our decision. I always felt good about it, but when people you call your friends question everything about the decision and your motivation, it does get you to wonder.

During this whole drama of the "other" board, C kept posting, "It isn't about you". Clearly, her comments were directed at me by name so how could it NOT be about me? I felt attacked and ganged up on. I HAD to defend myself. I am only sorry that stupid little things got so blown out of proportion. I am sorry I didn't respond in a better way.

I realized this morning on my way to work.....it really ISN'T about me. It is all about C. I made a decision to switch the country we plan to adopt from because of a possible weight issue. C has the same weight issue and the agency called her about it as well. She opted to stay with China. She would say...our daughter is waiting for us in China and it doesn't matter how long it takes.

She is scared now. She is insecure about her decision. She was afraid to change because she always said her heart and signs were leading her to China and that would make her look like she couldn't make up her mind or was going back on what she said. I was able to do what she couldn't. Her only choice was to lash out at me. This is her way of dealing with it. It IS about HER. She really changed into a person I didn't know during this whole mess.

I wish there was something I could do to comfort her. She was/is so motivated to lose weight and make it a non-issue. Of course, I am concerned she is/was not going about losing weight the healthy way (using fat burning pills) and that could be causing some other health related issues she has.

This is all about C and her insecurities and she just doesn't know how to deal with them. Too bad she lost a great friend (or two) in the process.

Maybe I am wrong about C. But hey....it makes sense to me so I am sticking with it!