The Last of It

I apologize to those blog readers who have absolutely nothing to do with this once again. Please ignore and jump to the bottom…

First I want to thank the three ladies who emailed me. Three. I also want to thank the couple of ladies who emailed me prior to my blog entry. It is still a far cry from the 80 or so that are involved.

I hope I explained things well enough and if you need clarification, I would be more than happy to discuss things further with you. If anyone has any questions that concern me, I am open to communication. Let me make that clear…again.

For the individual who I reached out to and who didn’t want to talk, if that ever changes, you do know how to get a hold of me. Please don’t think I am holding onto grudges because I am not. I understand that you were misinformed and that isn’t necessarily your fault.

I can’t force people to want to set things straight. I can’t force people to contact me. I can’t force people to believe things they just don’t want to believe. I can’t force people to listen. I can’t force people to behave a certain way.

I could blog everything that is on my mind right now but that wouldn’t accomplish anything; that would involve people who have no involvement; that never were involved, should not have been involved, and will not be involved by me. I could tell you my side of the story, but that isn’t going to do a damn bit of good if people won’t listen.

I understand that in times of hurt and emotion everyone needs a scapegoat. I also see that the scapegoat is me. OK. I will accept that if it makes others feel better and keeps pressure and heat off them. It is a survival skill and quite frankly, with all I have been through in my life and choose not to share, I will get through this. I certainly have gotten through worse. Better to blame me wrongly than to blame someone else who isn’t strong enough to take it.

I can tell you one thing. I AM walking up with my head help high. I did NOTHING wrong. I am NOT to blame.



And on the breast lump issue…

I did have a surgical consult on Tuesday. It was pretty much a bust. Dr. Hottie (my was he gorgeous) copped a feel (in a medical sort of way) and talked to me about what happens during the surgery. Dr. Hottie told me my risk is very low for cancer because of my age, family history (or lack thereof), and the fact I have a biological child. I brought up IBC (Thanks, Mrs. B) and he said it didn’t look like it even though I have about 6 of the 10 indicators of it. He explained the various kinds of lumps and wanted to get my records from my OBGYN (even though I requested they be sent/received before the appt). Dr. Hottie, of course, did not contact my OBGYN on Tuesday and was off to Cabo for a week beginning Wednesday. I will wait for him to get back and talk to my OBGYN. More likely than not, this lump WILL be removed and tested. I was told I may have some deformity in my breast because of the location of the lump but hopefully, breast tissue will grow back and normalize it. I was also told I will more likely than not lose some sensitivity in the one breast as well. Personally, while this is disturbing to hear, I would rather get the darn thing out and hope T can still feel the same way about me (which, by the way I have no doubt about).

Tuesday night I had a follow up with my OBGYN. The lump itself does not hurt as much anymore and the cyst he drained a week earlier was smaller as well. The culture of the cyst fluid was received and there was some nasty stuff in it. The nasty stuff the lab grew was not uncommon though. I was put BACK on antibiotics for 10 more days. I have a follow up with the OBGYN Tuesday again with a repeat u/s. I am kind of in a holding pattern.

That’s all and sorry to be a downer. Not a good month for me.