The Comment that got deleted...
I posted last week about how work has been really busy for me and I barely had time to get home before returning to work (see post USCIS Update from Agency - Oct. 12). I received the following comment which I promptly deleted:
Funny how you have no time for your current family but want to expand it to
include more kids. Do you think that is fair to the children? --Posted by
Anonymous to SOS - Second Outta Saigon! at 10/12/2006 08:17:44 PM
Quite frankly, I find the comment rude, but I guess I can totally understand where the comment came from. When you read my blog, you read what is posted. I choose what to post and what not to post. The entry I posted on Oct. 12 certainly does indicate that I don't have time for the child and husband I have, but that is certainly not the case.
The people who know me well know what kind of wife, mom, and professional I am. So while it may seem like I have "no time for [my] current family" in general, the anonymous commenter doesn't know that 2-3 days out of the year being super busy at work is the unusual and not the norm. The anonymous commenter doesn't know that I have to work in order for my family pay for this adoption vs. going into debt like most Americans. The commenter doesn't know that I have a most wonderful husband, T, who got off work early to get our son from school so our son's day wasn't longer than necessary. Sure, I could go on and on to "defend" myself, but I really don't need to.
Instead, I understand that readers of this blog see only what I choose to post and have to understand that by the looks of the post on Oct. 12 it does appear I have no time. The comment is still rude and judgmental.
I will not get in a debate on this blog on whether or not being a working parent who may have a few busy days at work is "fair" to the children. Every person does what they need to for their family and what is best in their own situation. In my own judgmental mind, I can name things I find far worse than having to work long hours at work for a couple of days, but I am certainly not rude enough to comment on someone's blog about it - and anonymously at that.
posted by RollerCoaster @ 6:51 AM
18 Comments:
((Nina)) I'm so sorry you have to deal with such dolts.
I know what you mean about only blogging what you want. A lot goes on in my life that I don't blog about. Typically, when I blog, either I'm happy or sad or angry - some extreme emotion...nothing in between. ;)
And you're right, those of us who know you, know what kind of a person you are and you don't nor should you have to defend yourself.
((Big Hugs))
I am in wholehearted agreement about posting--my blog certainly does not reflect my entire life. I don't want it to. It's a public forum and I don't want my whole life out for public scrutiny. I almost never post about my job. I don't post about my relationships with my family (J, P, or other family members) other than as it relates to IF and adoption. It amazes me when people think that because you have a blog, you're required to tell every little detail on it.
Those of us who read your blog regularly would never believe that you don't have time for your family.
That poster must have never adopted becuase anyone who has adopted knows that the adoption process, itself, is like a full time job. If you can juggle this, you can juggle a million kids! haha. Seriously don't defend yourself. How rediculous to assume that you will not have busy days (or even weeks, months, years) and that is a qualification for parenthood. Ha!
How absolutely rude! If they read my blog they would think all I do is knit and drink with my knitting friends!! You're a wonderful person, mother and wife!! No reason to debate b/c it's not required to 1. put every detail of your life in writing or 2. justify your bog to ANYONE!!!
Cathy
People are idiots. That's my internet motto, and it seems to hold true.
Sorry a cretin found you, and I hope he/she crawls back under that rock. :)
I don't think you need to explain yourself to some total stranger. What does their opinion matter, they aren't in your life.
Oh my word!!! That is totally ridiculous! Did you ask for the commenter's opinion??? I think not!! Some people are so into themselves that they want to share their opinions whether you want to hear it or not! I commend you for not going into debt because of your adoption! Don't let that comment upset you - it is not worth it!
i often wonder why people feel it is their job to judge others who havent asked for their opinion.
life can be busy for all of us. that does not mean we aren't great parents.
unhappy people tend to say things like that. so i feel sorry for that person more than anything. they need to find joy in their life and focus on the good in the world.
It's hard with a blog... it's such a personal thing, I think people feel like they know you somehow and sometimes like they even have the right to judge you... kind of the way we are with celebrities or whatever. But this is just a good lesson for all of us that there's usually more to the story and we shouldn't be so quick to judge. (And if you're going to comment something like that, for heaven's sake have the courage of your convictions to sign your name!)
UNBELIEVABLE....What a stink bug to write something so rude. I don't even know you and I'm sure that you, rather non of us, would choose to bring a child into our lives if we were not fully committed to caring for it and loving it. Just because someone has a really busy day, week, or month doesn't mean that they should never let anyone into their lives. That is like saying you should become a hermit because when things get too busy you wouldn't want to be around anyone, they may ask you to do something. Goodness!!!!
Okay, I'm rambling, but how upsetting. Good for you for commenting on that deletion. Grrr...
Still upset,
Melanie
OMG! What nerve! I'm sorry you've had to deal with that crap. People can be so cruel and most of the time its for their own kicks. Its not anything you (or anyone else) has done, they just want something to bitch about and they hope to get people angry. Then they sit back and watch as it unfolds.
(((HUGS))) I've met you IRL and I must say that you should be proud of your husband and child! You have done a great job of raising them (lol) and any child(ren) you decide to adopt or have will be lucky to have you as their mother!
Nina-
I can't believe someone would write that, they must have no idea anything about you. You keep up your good attitude and good things will come to you.
Hi, I'm the one who gets referred to in this blog as "T", and just to remove all doubt, Nina is a wonderful mother and an excellent wife. And the other side of the coin which doesn't come up as often is that whenever it's my turn to be waylaid at work until God-knows-when, she's the one who makes sure our little guy gets fed, his bath and put to bed lovingly. It honestly works both ways, as it should in a real partnership. I'm blessed to have her as my wife, no doubt about that.
Sorry someone felt the need to say something so rude to you.
Hugs ((()))
Gretchen
not only rude. but cowardly! Seems to me the poster should focus more on her own family than criticizing you for her warped impression of your life. Rage on, girlfriend! We all have your back!
Since I know Nina IRL I can say without a doubt that she is a wonderful mother. I KNOW she will be a wonderful mother to all her kids as her family grows. Whether it is work, community, extended family or any other commitement, we all have many balls up in the air. Sometimes it is necessary to handle one commitment over others. That does not mean that one that needs attention today becomes more important than another that we are committed to every other day of the year.
Nina I think you dont need to justify that your a wonderful Mother and do lots of wonderful things for JT and T dont let this person bring you down...they dont even know you.
P.S also wanted to say T your an amazing Hubby to say such sweet and wonderful things about Nina :) She's just as lucky to have you as your lucky to have her :)
i don't know you IRL, but I agree that you don't seem to have much time for your family.
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